Love, true love...

I’m married. My wife’s name is Michelle. I’ve loved her over half my life. We met in junior high, dated our senior year in high school, and got married as soon as I graduated college. She’s always been there for me. Through everything. Through my craziness. Through infants, moves across country, job changes, struggles of faith. She’s been there. Recently we hit a rough patch. One of those things you go through after almost 13 years of marriage. I’m good at making it seem like it’s just as much her fault. And she’s good at calling me on that. But we both know it’s mostly me. I’m a self-centered, egotistical jerk (my words, not hers). I often care far too much about what I want, need, expect. And far less about her. And yet she still loves me.

I love her too. I love her to a depth I guess I didn’t fully realize until recently. I cannot imagine my earthly existence without her. I can’t remember life before her. I don’t want to even try to imagine life after her. She is me. I am hers. Love. Complete. Whole. Encompassing. Crazy. Frustrating. Bewildering. Beautiful. That’s how I think of our life together.

I’m away from her and our boys right now. I’ll be gone more than I’m home for the next 3-4 weeks. And I miss her. I miss her smiling eyes. I miss her “what are you looking at” look when I gaze at her. I miss having dinner with her and the boys as family. I miss her. Marriage is an amazing thing. We both take our vows seriously. We committed to each other. We’re to be there thru thick and thin. Sickness and health. Good times and bad. We chose to love each other, forever. That is a choice we made once. Once for all. And I love…

I love you ‘Shell. I’ll be home soon…

I've always wanted to be a mystic...

I’m fascinated by the contemplative/mystical side of following Jesus. The mystery of the truths of the Bible. God loves us. God grants us mercy/grace. God wants to know us. God desires us. These are truths I’ve been taught from very young. But I’m still floored by them. There is a scripture that boggles my little mind. Zephaniah 3:17. In this verse are the phrases about God, “He will take great delight in you.” “He will quiet you with His love.” “He will rejoice over you with singing.” I’m amazed by these words. The God of the Universe. Yahweh. The One. I am. Thinks about me like this? It just can’t be. I’m not good. I have mean, nasty, unclean thoughts. I’m unkind to my wife sometimes (too often). I yell at my kids instead of training them. I talk bad about people. I choose entertainment that is not in my best interest. I… I… The list is huge. But these words say that God “delights, quiets, rejoices” because of me. Me? Not sure what to do with that. Not sure how to react.

But another part of me is intrigued and encouraged by the mystery. Because the truth is… these words are true! Because of Jesus. What he did for me (for us). We can experience this kind of relationship with God. God wants to know us. He wants to quiet the noise of life with His Love. He wants to sing us songs. He wants to take delight in his children. And I’m amazed again. I’m amazed because of Truth. I’m amazed because I can experience this kind of relationship with the God of the Universe.

It’s mystical. It’s amazing. It’s true.

I don't get it...

I just read The Da Vinci Code. And I’m confused. It kinda threw me. Not the way it apparently did for many people. But it affected me just the same.

I’m thrown by the fact that people are tossed about by this book. It’s not that good. There are a couple loose ends the author never sows up. The ending is incredibly anticlimactic. And then there is the tremendous leaps in logic the author makes to build the case for the “startling new revelation” about the church and Jesus. I tried to read it very carefully. I tried to dig for the hidden gems that had caused all the confusion. I didn’t see it. I couldn’t find it.

I know many people have been confused, challenged by this book. Some even so far as to disavow the church and/or God. Or to stop searching for The Truth because of the claims made in the book. I’m not trying to discount those. I’ve heard second and third hand of people who’ve begun to question things because of the book. It saddens me. It saddens me that people could be drawn away from The Answer they are looking for by a book of fiction. A thriller, no less.

The Truth is there for people to discover. To experience. Jesus is there to be found. Not the Jesus of Da Vinci but a real, living person. A person who paid the sacrifice for all of us. The One. The Creator from the beginning of time. Not the person of myth or legend or conjecture. The Person who is calling out to all of us to follow Him. He offers grace and freedom and peace. He offers challenge and adventure and purpose. Jesus. Fully human. Fully God. Perfect. Sorry Da Vinci…

Fatherhood...

About a month or so ago my oldest son, Joshua age 7, came to me to talk about Jesus. He wanted to talk with me about a decision he had made at Kids Connection at our church. At the time I was playing a video game on the computer (Civilization, my favorite) and pretty engrossed in trying to dominate the world. I didn’t fully hear him and said something completely inexplicable in hindsight, “I’ll talk to you in a little while, Daddy’s playing a game.” It took a couple minutes for the actual words he said to penetrate my think skull or dull ears. I immediately found him and took him to a quite place so we could talk. He wanted to share that he had made the choice to follow Jesus. Those were his words. Not mine. He wanted to follow Jesus. To accept what He offered. Forgiveness. There have been only a few moments where I’ve been as proud and excited all at the same time. My son wants to follow Jesus. To try to act like Jesus does. To try to think about what Jesus thinks. Again his words. God is good.

But what an absolutely terrible example of fatherhood. If our father waited until he was ready to respond to us, what a train wreck we’d be in. If God said wait until I’m ready to talk to you, to grant you grace, to listen… I’d be lost. I was very convicting of my job of bringing up my son. I need to be in tune with them. With their rhythms. With what they care about. Are passionate about. I know God is that way with me. He’s the example of Father hood I’d like to more like than what I’m like as a father now.

May God help me…

Hallelujah!

It’s Easter! An amazing, wonderful day. There are very few others days that I get as excited about. Jesus is risen. Those words… The truth. Wow…

I used to tell the students I worked with as a youth pastor that this was “Our Day”. There are so many other religions. They all have “special” days. They all have holiday-type days to celebrate. But no other faith/religion can claim a day that we claim or maybe the audacity to claim what we claim on this day. Our God Is Not Dead! He is risen just like he said! No one else whether Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Jew, fill-in-the-blank _______ can claim this. None.

I read a lot. I’ve written here about some of the things I read. Some writers question what it means to be a follower of Jesus. How you “do” that. Why we follow. Do we really follow? Are we truly following or do we just say we do. Etc, etc, etc… But when it comes right down to it, I believe. I believe in Jesus Christ risen. I believe He is alive today. I believe he is active today. I believe that following Him makes all the difference, makes the only sense. I believe He came to save the world. I believe that you are only saved thru Him. I believe in Grace. I hold onto Mercy. I believe.

Technology...

I haven't posted for a while. Had huge internet issues... Enough excuses. I'll add a couple thoughts I've had over the last month...